It is approaching my 10th wedding anniversary. I do find it hard to believe that I have been married for 10 years. I don’t feel old enough. Don’t mention the fact that I have 2 children, a mortgage and have moved to another country whilst keeping the mortgage. Anyway, I am approaching the 10th year of being married to the man I have known for almost 16 years.
I never really thought about being married. I never pretended to walk down the aisle with one of my mothers’ net curtains draped over my head pretending it was a veil. I didn’t buy wedding magazines and create a scrapbook of my dream wedding. I just met a guy, got engaged, planned a wedding and got married in a church. (Bit of a shocker there with that last part as I am not religious)
However, I had no problems getting married. It was all very simple and no one had any objections to us marrying. Not even the fact that I am not religious and was planning to get married in a church and being a big hypocrite.
After being married for a little while we thought about having kids. We tried for a while and in the space of 2 years we had 2 children, a boy and a girl. The only comments that were made during the entire duration of my pregnancies were the fact that I was (and still am) overweight and people wondering if the fact that my kids would be born in England be a problem seeing as I am Scottish!
So, I got married and had 2 kids before I was 30. No one cared. It did not offend anyone. We just got on with it.
If I was gay then it would not have been so easy. I would not have been able to get married in the UK, I would have had to enter in a ‘Civil Union’ which to me sounds very cold and clinical. It just seems like a legal term and not at all an event carried out because two people are in love and want to spend their lives together. If I was gay in the USA (where I currently live) I would be able to have a same sex marriage in a couple of states and in a few others be in a ‘union’ which grants similar rights to marriage. In some states a same sex marriage is recognized but is not performed. For a while in California it was legal to have a same sex marriage but as of right now it is not. There are a handful of countries around the world that allow same sex marriage but there are more that do not.
For the life of me I do not understand why that is. It is easier, and more acceptable, for people who are related to marry each other than it is for people of the same sex to marry. Apparently some people worry about the ‘sanctity of marriage’ being tarnished if same sex couples were given the same rights as opposite sex couples. Other people say the point of being married is to have children and gay people can’t have children. Apparently some people think if you want to be married you must be willing and able to produce children. If you can’t then you have no business being married. Well isn’t that the most logical argument you have ever heard?!
Of course I have a few problems with that:
1. Not all opposite sex couples want to have kids. Does that mean they should not be allowed to marry?
2. Not all opposite sex couples can have kids so have IVF, Surrogacy or adopt, all of which can be used by same sex couples. So kids will still be born!
3. The divorce rate is very high amongst opposite sex couples.
4. Some people marry multiple times. They love it so much they have to do it over and over and over again! Of course maybe they just like cake.
5. Some people marry and divorce within the space of a few months citing ‘irreconcilable differences’. Well they are clearing focused on the sanctity of marriage then aren’t they?!
Why is it more acceptable for relations to marry and create a bit of a ‘gene puddle’ than it is for opposite sex couples to marry and adopt children and give them a loving home?
If someone can give me a logical, reasonable, not covered in bigotry/ignorance reason why same sex people should not be legally allowed to marry or have/adopt children then I am all ears. Not sure I'll buy it though.